Belonging is more than “fitting in”: it’s about feeling accepted, valued, and connected for who you are. Belonging shapes how young people see themselves and how they connect with others. While belonging can feel invisible when things are going well, it often becomes more noticeable when disrupted, such as moving to a new class, joining a new team, or feeling left out for being oneself. As such, it’s important for children to have space to reflect on what belonging means to them and how they can help others feel included. Parents and guardians can nurture this by starting simple conversations at home about what makes children feel included, valued, and connected.
Here are some ways you might approach these conversations:
- Start with everyday experiences. Ask your child about moments when they felt welcome, included, part of a group, or part of something and what made that possible. Everyday practices like, sharing meals, celebrating family traditions, or listening to favourite music together, also provide opportunities to strengthen a sense of belonging.
- Remind your child that it is okay to be yourself. Emphasise that belonging isn’t about “sameness” but about being respected and valued as you are, even in ways that make you different from others.
- Connect to family values. Share what inclusion looks like in your family and how you show care and respect to others.
- Recognise challenges. Let your child know it’s normal to sometimes feel left out. Take time to explore together what might have led to that feeling. Often, simply being heard and understood helps restore a sense of belonging.
You might ask guiding questions such as:
- When do you feel most comfortable and happy?
- What helps you feel accepted for who you are?
- How do we show belonging in our family?
- When do you feel most like your friends? When do you feel a bit different from them? How do both of those feelings help you feel part of the group?
- What might help people feel like they belong, even when they are not the same as everyone else? What can you do to help?
You can also adapt the suggestions of students at the World Cafe Forum:
‘What should parents do to help their children deal with school bullying and loneliness?’
- Regularly check in with their children and ask about their day or concerns.
- Seek their child’s input on how to handle problems instead of acting without consultation.
- Avoid jumping to conclusions or reacting with panic when children disclose issues.
- Refrain from lecturing children about bullying or dismissing their concerns with phrases like “it’s part of growing up.”
- Some students felt comfortable talking to their parents about these issues, while others found it awkward or preferred to express themselves through writing.
- Students noted that parents who show genuine interest in their social lives create a safer environment for discussions.
- Some students mentioned that gender stereotypes might influence how parents perceive or address bullying.
Parent/child discussions can be complicated and nuanced, especially when discussing heavier – and perhaps uncomfortable – topics such as belonging and bullying. Especially in adolescence, the first instinct for a victim of school bullying may not be to talk to their family. But our research shows that these conversations can be had successfully, with a shared goal of understanding and openness. As we heard from students at the World Cafe Forum, ‘simply being heard and understood [by a parent] helps restore that feeling of belonging’. Expressing a genuine interest in young people’s social lives helps create this safer environment for discussions, and builds on itself as it strengthens a greater bond.